You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
