It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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