The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
