Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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