I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
