chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
