This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
