I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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