no, he came in my armpit
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
