You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
