Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
