His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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