You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
well you can't waste a boner
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
