TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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