I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
