I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
