I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Non-Jews are for practice
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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