no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
