what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
