I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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