apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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