Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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