And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
