dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
