My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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