He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
