you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
