You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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