I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
