Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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