All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
