Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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