You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
