I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
