so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
