Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it glows. i had to have it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
