Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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