we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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