Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
