someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A+ Viking dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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