I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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