I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
