We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
