you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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