Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
