The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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