I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i think i just lost a toe
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
