Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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