Do you still have your period?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
