mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
