I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
