I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
