I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
