Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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