Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
