I cockslap morals
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
