he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
