That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
