I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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